There was a man in those days, his name was Jonah, and he was a happy man. Jonah lived within his means, and as good as his possessions let him, and he was content. But God had looked at Nineveh, a great city, and decided to destroy it. So he told Jonah to go to Nineveh and shout out to anyone that would listen; that in three days the city would be destroyed. Well; Jonah did not think that doing that would be the smartest thing that he had ever done, so he decided to go to Tarshish, which was in the other direction. The boat that he boarded at Joppa was going to Tarshish, and Jonah was pooped out so he went to the middle of the ship and went fast asleep. In the meantime God was not accustomed to being ignored, so he caused a great wind to blow upon the sea. And the wind caused a mighty tempest and the ship was tossed around and the mariners had to toss cargo over the side to lighten the load. But the storm kept getting worse, and the mariners tossed lots to see what or who was causing this. This was a common thing in that day if something went wrong you would toss lots, and somehow the lots would tell who did it; this was a mysterious thing in the bible. Anyhow the lots would keep falling on Jonah. So the mariners said; what is this that you have done? So Jonah confessed that he did not want to look like a fool, so he had not gone to Nineveh like he was supposed to. So the mariners cast lots one more time, and when they fell on Jonah they picked him up and threw him in the sea, and they didn’t even know whether or not he could swim. And immediately the sea started to calm. Along came a great fish and swallowed Jonah.

In the belly of the great fish Jonah was walking around [apparently he was not being consumed] but remained in the fishes belly for three days. [This fish was different from any other fish that we know of, even in the blue whale; Jonah would not have room to walk around.] Jonah looked around and decided that he was not in the best place in the world, so he started to pray. Well; God heard his prayer and even though he had other things to do, commanded the fish to vomit Jonah out. The great fish, who was tired of Jonah pacing around, was glad to be rid of him. The fish vomited Jonah out on dry land, and wonder of wonders, it was a three days journey to [you guessed it] Nineveh. But Jonah hit the ground running [small wonder] and came upon the city in one day, which made him the fastest man in the bible, and this is no fish tale. Jonah now started to yell at the top of his lungs to anyone that would listen that the city was going to be destroyed in three days. The townspeople were getting all stirred up about the prophet that was in town and wondering about what he was saying, and some of the spiritual leaders were saying that it could be true. So what to do? One of the priests got up and said, that maybe if they repented of their evil ways, God would change his mind.[ The evil thing that they were doing, was never discussed ,but I am sure that it was something awful] Now another priest said that everyone must repent in sackcloth and ashes.[ They did a lot of that back then, didn’t mean nothing without sackcloth and ashes] Well next day every one in the town was sitting around in sackcloth and pouring ashes on each others heads. Well God looked at this and was pleased. If I should come upon a city with every one sitting around pouring ashes on each other I would call the Looney bin. In the meantime Jonah has left town, and was sitting on a hill, waiting for the big boom. Well day three went by no big boom; day four went by, no big boom. So as you can imagine Jonah is getting pretty teed off, he had spent two days in a ship, three days in a fishes belly, three more days making a fool of himself, so he got all worked up and because of the oppressive heat and being next to a desert he fainted. Well God had mercy on Jonah and made a fig tree grow next to him, well now he is in the shade so he woke up.[Now I don’t want to say anything derogatory about a fig tree but it don’t put out much shade, a myrrh tree would have been much better] Any way Jonah conferred with god about what was bothering him, like he was doing good, got sent on a wild goose chase, and now he would be looked upon as a stupid idiot, and of course God had a perfect come back; What’s more important? You looking like an idiot, or the lives of three thousand people. The book doesn’t say anything more about Jonah, but I reckon he lived happily ever after.    

                                                                           Alfie